i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
