jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
