My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
