eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
