i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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