Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
