So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
