My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
