You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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