For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
