How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
