Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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