Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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