Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
