Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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