I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
