white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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