so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
