He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
