she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
