no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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