these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
