Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
