we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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