can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
