hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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