I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
