after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
