remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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