I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
