so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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