were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
