I accidentally had phone sex last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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