I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
