Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
