Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
