i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
