When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
