she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
