I'm so fucking centered right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
