I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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