Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
