Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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