i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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