so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
