This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
