the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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