your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the condom got lost in my hair
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Boobs speak an international language.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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