i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
