Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
