I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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