You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
